"The Damn Marathon" or "Why I will look like a Twin in 40 days."

I recently made a really terrible decision. It's a good terrible decision, but I still face the consequences with trepidation and dread.

That's right, I decided to run the NYC half marathon on April 3.  It happened a few weeks ago when I walked into a staff meeting late, frustrated, of course, after having spent the past hour looking for parking.  I sat down and about two seconds later was told the entire staff (with one hold out) had decided to run/run-walk/walk the half marathon for Haiti Relief on April 3rd.  It took me a few days to agree to do it, but I did eventually agree, "Yes, I will run a half marathon for this good cause."  "Yes, I will do the sport I hate more than almost any other, because it is for a good cause."  "Yes, I will train nearly every day between now and then, meaning I will have to spend time at the gym, a place I hate more than almost any other, because this is all for a good cause."

Of course, by now, only three of the staff are still planning on doing it.  One down-graded to walking the whole thing because of shin splints (Which by the way are undiagnosed by a professional and I still don't necessarily believe yet).  The other probably shouldn't quite "run".  Which means that I am the only one on staff capable of actually doing this as a more than a symbolic gesture (which is what it is for me anyway).  Well, crap.

If you have heard me talk about all of this over that past few weeks, you may have heard me refer to it as "The Dumb Marathon Thing", "The Damn Race", or "Bad Choice Twenty-Ten".  My attitude has been quite unsportsman like, which is probably because I have never been much of a sportsman.  Physical activity for the sake of physical activity is unenjoyable for me.   Throw some nerdy nature or geocaching in there for hiking, or the transpiration benefits of biking and I am a tad more willing to get off my butt, but I just get bored so fast.  Enter the most boring sport there is, running, which I have been known to proclaim does not make any sense unless there is someone or something bigger than you following closely behind with malicious intent.

Ok, so despite the negative tone of all this.  I still stand in agreement, "Yes, I will run a half marathon for this good cause."

And you know why?  Because it's good for me.  I am running to raise money for Haiti, but I also running for a very very selfish reason.  My body needs it.  And this whole I-Hate-Running thing is a mental battle with some serious spiritual implications.  Not even starting into body image issues, I (along with most believing Americans) have been pushing the truth of certain scriptures aside for decades.  I know God knows the treadmill is a very mental battle for me, and through His knowledge of that, it becomes intensely spiritual as well.  I should seek God's grace and mercy in this battle just as all others, sacrificing my will, and asking the Lord to take over.

Here's a few verses I have been muddling on.
(If you don't like reading the bible stuff scroll down to "Here's your part.")

Romans 12:1-2
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

In college (and all the other hormone-charged faith communities I have been in) pastors love to preach on Romans 12:1-2 as a passage about abstinence and celibacy.  That's fine and dandy, but I don't think they go far enough.  Paul doesn't say.  "Don't screw everything that walks, okay?"  He says our bodies are to be living sacrifices.  We are to give up our bodies to God for his use, holy and pleasing, and that is our "spiritual worship".  Paul says, "do not be conformed to this world", which is what I have been allowing to happen in this department for a long time.  Certainly many people fall on the other side of the line; body becomes the God, not the Temple of the God (Holy Spirit), but by and large (no pun intended) fat, pudgy, lazy Americans, i.e. "this world", are not presenting their body's as living sacrifices.
Maybe lazy is the wrong word.  Some westerns are genuinely lazy, living up to the steak dinner, golf, video game, McDonald's stereotypes, but most are just busy.  Even those with the most noble intentions are too busy dealing with important things like social justice, environmental lobbying, and educating underprivileged school children, to deal with basic body maintenance.  It is easy to push aside crunches when otherwise you could be spending the time writing a grant that might feed 100 starving children for a year.  In cases of not-so-obviously-philanthropic jobs, the mental battle is not much easier.  But the Lord genuinely cares about the state of our flesh and what we do with it.  He redeems the whole body, not just our brains.  I know people are going to be pissed to hear it but I firmly believe we are ignoring a huge command of scripture to say "to-hell-with-it",and grabbing McDonald's just because we are running late to church.  Maybe He likes twinkles, I don't know, but I am going to go out on a limb and posit that He might like an apple more.


1 Corinthians 6:19-20 
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

This flesh and bone is a gift!  Bought!  And then given back to us to maintain as a dwelling place of the Holy Lord.  Try not to treat it like a ugly sweater from Aunt Maude, stuffed in the back of a closet, brought out once a year when you absolutely have to wear it (read: when you have to run a marathon).  It's a good gift!  A super extravagant, expensive one too.


1 Corinthians 3:16-17 
Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple.

This one is the most difficult for me to read as an average, slightly soft, American woman.  I am God's temple and His Spirit dwells in me (ok, I am with you here.)  If anyone destroys the temple, (my body, from the passage above), God will destroy him.
Shoot.  I am the one destroying my body.  So what follows is that God is probably not too happy with that.  There are a lot of ways a building can go about getting itself condemned.  One could be an earthquake, suddenly unfit for habitation.  Another could be total abandonment, left to the elements.  But most often it is "failure of maintenance" stories we hear that are the most heart breaking.  People being evicted, because someone has let a leak go on in the basement for 15 years.  No one removed the lead paint.  The elevator broke with the door to the shaft open and no one bothered to fix it.  Neglect.  I have been neglecting my body for so many years now, that it is hard to even know where to begin.

So here's where I will begin.  For Lent this year, conveniently lined up with the Half Marathon being the day before Easter on Holy Saturday, I am going to give up complaining about all this exercise stuff.  That means no saying "I don't wanna!" (at least not in a whiney voice).  That means no more referring to it as "The Damn Marathon".  It also probably means that I can't put a picture of Bethany Klein, Ankle-Sprainee and/or a quadriplegic in my gym bag to remind me that there are people who would like to run "The Damn Marathon" but cannot.  Oh, and I am giving up alcohol too, because I tried running after a pint and lunch at the bar, and it just doesn't work.


Here's your part.  Give to Haiti, and give to me being healthier.  Whichever you feel more passionate about, you can give in the same place.

Please consider giving to Haiti through my World Vision fund set up here: http://twv.convio.net/site/TR/TeamWorldVision/General?px=1069501&pg=personal&fr_id=1090
I have set a very modest goal.  Admin costs for the race were $55. The World Vision Team jersey is another $30.  I also had to buy shoes for about $100.  I want to raise at least enough to make up for the money I have spent on this.  Other wise, I probably should have just given $185 to World Vision and been done with it (hence the its-also-for-me mentality).  Please consider donating with one of these amounts in mind.

Whoever gives the most gets to dictate what type and take a jar from the next batch of jam I make.  Or I will crochet you a squirrel or chipmunk pelt.  Your choice.

 

Also, if you want to give more, and to a more worthy team running the same race, give to these guys.

They are m' boyz, I love them all.
http://twv.convio.net/site/TR/TeamWorldVision/General?px=1064303&pg=personal&fr_id=1090


This race was originally set up for funds for Africa, so if you see information saying that all your money is going to Africa, not Haiti, the webmaster just hasn't caught up yet.  I assure you there has been an earthquake in Haiti.

Thanks, I love you all.


I will close with this thank you gift.  A list of the funny things that have gone through my head to keep me from running that I will not be allowed to repeat after Wednesday.

@ 11:53 pm: Kate, I can't run tomorrow at 6:00am.  All I have at home are clogs and pajama pants.


I shouldn't run because right now my silhouette has a nice ripple effect.  It's a graduated change in width from my waist to hips.  If I loose that padding then I will go straight from waist to hips and it will be more obvious how huge my hips really are.


Why would I do something that makes my calves even bigger?  They are the one part of my body that is naturally muscular.  If I do this race then my calves are going to look like Arnold Schwartznegger's in those shorts in Twins.

I will have to snack more.  (Okay, this on can also fall into the "Pro-Marathon" category.)


I must look so disgruntled and unhappy when I am at the gym.  Everyone always asks me questions thinking I am an employee.  No, I don't know where the sauna is.  There's a sauna?



Follow my Twitter for almost daily "Lessons from the Gym".

If you lucky, there also might be one posted right now on the top right of this blog page!

Me vs. Them does not equal We.

Last Sunday I attended one of the roof-top feast extravaganzas my friends over and Bushwick Department of Public Works throw. While there I met 0H10M1KE, or "OhioMike", an artist who spent some time doing social work with AmeriCorps in southeast Ohio. We started talking about this project and as I expressed my desire to avoid being seen as a voyeur or missionary, he cut me off and said "But thats exactly what you are! And the sooner you accept it, the better for you and them." Harsh words. But, I think they are probably true.

Many people who know the Appalachian culture (and some who don't, but know hollywood) have warned me that the people are insular and no one will trust me, and "Ha, good luck with that". I admit that, yes, the Appalachian people are wary of "outsiders". They are proud, independent, and determined for preservation. And, looking at the history of the region, the ongoing failure of governmental programs, and the exploitation by many big business (energy) corporations, who can really blame them? Even in that characterization are a million and one unfair assumptions. I know this makes the job of anyone coming from the outside harder, but those traits are precisely what I am attracted to and see also in myself. Determination, even stubbornness. (When I am complaining in 3-4 months, feel free to refer me back to my own profession here.)

Merriam-Webster defines a voyeur as "a prying observer who is usually seeking the sordid or the scandalous". I admit my project walks the line of that. It would be easy to roll into a town like Ansted and paint a picture of good vs. bad. Small town against big uncaring coal. But I believe stopping to say, "Wait, I just want to listen to you" instead of, "Here's what we can accomplish this week..." will lead to something different, unplannable and better. I am more interested in accurate characterization of who is fighting, than the resolution of the MTR conflict. I care, but more about the people and what they are feeling. Nothing is going to change anyway if everyone is just pissed off at each other.

The whole thing has gotten me thinking about the nature of this project, and "working for change". I want to accomplish something. But the more definition I give that something, the further I am from it. By leaving the goal open, whatever comes my way becomes acceptable and valuable, and the experiences I have are reason enough for a seven-day road trip. In a lot of ways it's really selfish, to be sure. But I am making my peace. If you know me even moderately well, you know what I do is DO. I have a project-based personality, and when I set myself to get something done, I get it done, and do it well. It's work ethic. Having a concrete goal for the trip is attractive to me. Then, at the end I can look at what I did and see that I succeed or failed. I have a set of recordings or I don't. But, sometimes I get so dug in, I don't leave room to listen if God is even there. Taking this week in Appalachia will be a different sort of challenge. Pursuing a general notion or gut feeling that I am supposed to travel and JUST listen, is very scary for me. But I am getting closer.

I am excited to just get out of the city. I want to see new terrain and experience new things. I love to drive. I love to drive pickup trucks. I want to DO a lot on this trip. Meet a few people, record stories, fight injustice, save the world. But, instead, for this one week, I am going to try and intentionally not do anything leading to anything bigger. I want to see stuff, smoke a cigar, ride a horse, forget Manhattan, swim. If nothing else, it's a refueling. At the end I can say, I am still exhausted, or I am not. And, you know, I think I am okay with that.

This is big for me because I am, by nature, a Martha. I'm going to try and be a Mary.

The story of Martha and Mary is one of those I never fail to walk away from convicted. Jesus and his buddies are going along and stop at this village where these two sisters live who say they will host the guys for dinner. Martha is the one who actually invites them and then gets to the cleaning, cooking, and everything else that goes into being a good hostess. While she's busting her butt, sweating for sure, her sister Mary is sitting on the ground listening to Jesus talk. Every time I hear this story imagine Mary with her head tilted to the side and her eyes really wide and shiny, a little like a puppy. I guess that betrays who I relate to.
So Martha takes Jesus aside and said, "Lord, I'm the one doing all the work and that bum is just sitting there! She'll listen to you; tell her to get up off her kiester and help!"
Instead, Jesus sees right through it and says, "Martha, chill out for a second. You are clearly upset and worried about a lot, but you really just need one thing. To sit down and be with me! Mary is right on this one, I'd rather hang out and eat hot dogs and cold baked beans than get the filet minion and not see you."

Mary had a mission. But it became HER mission. She was no longer motivated by serving the Lord, but serving her mission. Goals are not a bad thing by any means. But, though the guidance counselors out there hate to hear me say it, from a Christian perspective, I think short term goals can become distracting from the greater mission: to praise God and glorify his Holy Name. At least for me, I become so focused on getting something done and doing it with excellence, that I forget the entire reason that I am doing it for the first place. For example, I have been working all these late hours working on the website for the church I work at. Web design and html are not things I am inclined to, skilled at, or enjoy, but I have been so adamant about doing this efficiently and skillfully that I have been working myself into a stressed-out bomb, ready to be triggered by just about anything that bumps into me. It wasn't until yesterday when I hit a wall, and hard, that I came back to reality and remembered that the commandments don't say "thou shall meet thy deadline" and Jesus didn't say "Blessed are the efficient." It was more important for me to go out for $2 margarita happy hour at Brother Jimmy's BBQ and be with my brother and sister in Christ, than log three more hours on a behemoth of a project. Jesus says, "Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Being with Jesus is more important than hospitality, websites, and even evangelism. It is out time with Jesus that prepares us and motivates for these things. Any other order inevitably just makes you a pissed-off-Martha.


OhioMike was right. I am an outsider. There is no way that will ever change. He told me of someone that moved to the small town he was working out of when he was 4 years old. That man had remarked that he was still treated like an outsider even after all the years, into midlife. It would be both pretentious and unrealistic to think that I am going to be accepted as an honorary member into the circle in one week, and as hard as I work, I probably never will be. The truth is, I will undoubtedly gain more than I will give. Despite how deeply anchored this trip is in my faith, my belief that we are charged with the care of the earth and each other, my desire to give something back, I have not been looking at this as a missions trip. If it was, I would obviously have a color-coordinated t-shirt, and more of a plan than an approximate driving itinerary putting me in a new town just about every night. I have serious reservations about the benefits of short term missions, but the strongest argument in favor is the selfish one. Sometimes the "missionary" becomes the one who is changed. A short term mission can open someone's eyes and mind, maybe even propelling them forward to greater action. The value of a mission can't be measured by what is accomplished in one week, but can only be revealed by a long view of the situation.

I have peace with this being a foundation for something more. I think that I am so relaxed about goals for this particular trip because in my mind and heart I am already committed to a long term experience. I don't know what my relationship to the environmental community will be in a year or ten, but I know I don't have to get everythinig done right now.

As hard as it was to initially hear, Mike did say, "the sooner you accept it, the better for you and them". Me and Them. Whoever "them" is, I do have the ability to be a human in relationships, not just an intrusive robotic force coming to take over the earth and, you know, do stuff. I am so ready to get-my-Mary-on.