About a month after all the lilacs bloom
They are rotten and brown.
You can no longer differentiate
Pink, White, Purple.

Right before a SummerStorm 
The humidity level and temperature are just so
For the lilacs' scent to soak the air 
For a moment as you pass the rotting bush.

It's remembering the past, 
And solicits the same flickering feelings
As finding an old birthday card
From an Aunt who died last April.

2013, a new year.

I don't know if all my friends and family just get really negative when they are suffering the winter cold, but few people seem to have a fondness for 2012 in their reflections.  Don't get me wrong 2012 was a big fat asshole in more ways than one, but I also want to take the time to remember the good things that happened in 2012, because there were a lot of those this year too.

2012-Pros

-January-

-Got a great new job.

-Moved to a great new city that I have enjoyed immensely thus far.

-February-

-My big sister survived a brutal attack.

-March-

-My big sister got engaged and asked me to be her maid of honor!

-April-

-Kickball started.  The first of 3 seasons with new friends.

-May-

-Moved into a new apartment that includes a 2nd bedroom that is now my studio.  It is the first studio since I was in postbac at NYCAMS.

-June-

-Hosted some of the extended family for brunch at my own apartment for, hopefully, the first annual Polish Fest brunch.

-Marilee came to visit!

-July-

-Won 2nd place as Milwaukee Brewfest Queen.

-Made it to 26!

-August-

-Went camping at Devil's Lake.  I hadn't gone camping in years!

-September-

-Started the fitness initiative at work, which has so far helped me drop 5lbs and started me toward a healthier lifestyle.

-October-

-Started going to The Moth in Milwaukee. I started volunteering the next month, and made it on stage in December.

-Made the most awesomest Poptart Cat costume ever.

-November-

-Successfully repaired all damage from identity theft.  I know this one is a stretch, but I am thankful that ordeal is over, and I know it could have gone worse needing lawyers, etc. 

-December-

-Got to do hokey Christmas stuff with the bf, including see the Christmas dolphin show at the Shedd Aquarium.

-Had a fantastic holiday with the family.

-Had a wonderful NYE with friends.

So there you have it.  2012 was rough, but it had it's highlights too!

Heading into 2013 I have a few resolutions.  I understand that sharing them with the world increases your success rate of keeping them, so here it goes.

Health

- Log food at least 3 days each week.  (If you are intentionally "good" just 2 days a week, it can make a difference!)

- Meet the CDC Recommendations for exercise each week: 120 minutes of cardio & 2 days of full body strength exercises.  The strength stuff is going to be hard to fit in, but I think I can really do it.

- Run a half marathon.

Finances

- Stop being afraid of money!  This is the year that I conquer my fear of it.  Not having enough, either now, or when I am 60, I am going to be fine.  I will never starve or be homeless, so theres nothing to be afraid of.  This includes meeting with a financial advisor.

- Make a budget and learn how to stick to it.

- For one week each month use cash only.

-Build emergency savings.

Personal Enrichment

-Journel more, either the blog, or on paper.

-Go back to church more consistently.

Ok, feel free to keep me accountable now.

Happy New Year everyone!

UPDATE*****
Oh! One other thing to celebrate from 2012.  It was the year that my retirement savings finally out paced my student debt.  Woo hoo improving economy!

On Vacation

Be back when I have a new place to live.

I need a new roommate!

BR for rent in a 3 BR apartment in Sunset Park Brooklyn.  $700 (plus utilities which is generally less than $100)  You are taking over on part of a lease that is up on Sept 1, and would owe first month (to the landlord) and last and security (to our roommate moving out and onto CA).

Please head over to this picassa page for a tour: http://bit.ly/gwkH9N

We are 2 blocks from the 45th St "R" train, and a 5 minute walk from the 36th Street "D, N, R" which means you can be in downtown manhattan in 20 minutes if you time your trains right.  10 minutes from Park Slope festivities, 15 minutes or less on a bike. 1 block from THE Sunset Park, which has a free pool in season, and great views for all seasons.

Ideally looking for a female, but will be willing to consider the right guy.  We are on the third floor and have a pretty sweet deal.  2 balconies, 2 bathrooms (though one is private, if there is an "emergency" it IS there), dishwasher and laundry in the unit (NO MORE QUARTERS!) There is only one room for the common area, but it is a big dining/living/kitchen room. 

Also, Melody Lanes Bowling Alley, where Ralph Cramdon of the Honeymooners bowled is a 10 minute walk away.  We bowl frequently and you will be subject to peer pressure to join us occasionally.

Please head over to this picassa page for a tour: http://bit.ly/gwkH9N

Us:
Jenn:

Jenn- coffee shop manger-ish person/artist.  Originally from Chicago.
I am one of those DIY "creative types".  Went to school for art, play a little music.  Things to consider: I am learning to play the fiddle and it can be rough sometimes, though I am considerate of when I practice.   I enjoy cooking, and thus like to have a clean kitchen.  If you cannot humor me on this point, please consider not renting our room.  My boyfriend lives in the neighborhood, so he is over pretty frequently, but is not a live-in.   Also, I homebrew in the apartment.  It is pretty unobtrusive on a daily basis (about 1" square of floor space", but when it's a brew or bottle day, I kind of take over the kitchen for half the day.  You are welcome to participate in any part of this process, including the consumption (in moderation of course).




Gillian:

Gillian- works in publishing at Harper Collins in author relations. Originally from NJ, lately from Nashville.
Gillian loves to read, so no loud band practice please.  We also love movies.


You:

   or

   or   

You are sociable and friendly, though don't need to be babysat and mollycoddled by your roommates.  You would like to occasionally hang out with your roommates, throw a dinner party with us, feeling free to invite your sane friends.
Your significant other can stay over sometimes if they don't make us feel unsafe or skeezed out.  Though we are not looking for 2 people, so not every night.

- you have a job (or other unvanishing means) of paying your rent and can prove it
- you can and will load and unload a dishwasher
- you know what windex, lysol, and a broom are and you will not be afraid to use them
- you are okay with beer being brewed in the apartment (it is completely legal)

-ABSOLUTELY NO drama lovers, drama magnets, or drama queens.

-no one who loves hard drugs or alcoholics
-container pets only (plants, gerbils, fish etc.)


Please contact me to arrange viewing the apartment and meeting myself, Jenn, and Gillian. jromaniszak@gmail.com

"Too Polished" or "Let me just give you my card"

I will admit it, I'm afraid of people.  Despite being able to talk to random strangers, even the scary looking ones if my mom is telling the stories, I am afraid of meeting people if my own self promotion is involved.  Don't get me wrong, I cover it up really well, probably erring over to the side of coming across egotistical. Though maybe I just think that, and the false-self-awareness is what makes me nervous in the first place?  (Anyone else notice how easy my brain can morph anything into a circular, chicken or egg debate?)  But honestly, the most painful part of networking for me is getting and giving contact information.  It always seems so trite and rehearsed.  "Here, let me give you a card, which I have had made because I connect with a lot of people, you know.  I can't be writing my number out every time, I would get a hand cramp!" (insert double guffaw).

Anyway, fellow moon-light blogger, Jeannie Rose (of The Faux Gourmet and City Stories), asked me to go to the Brooklyn Blogger Meet-up at Bell House tonight.  I left my answer open ended, wondering if I could really show up and call myself a blogger when I hadn't posted in over a month, and there is so little of a theme in my posts anyway.  What do I refer to this thing as when introducing myself?  A theology blog, and cutting edge blog about a single girl in NYC? None of the specific labels fit, and it's not because this is so unique.  It's just not a very specific forum for me.  Anyway, all these things have been running around in my head, but ultimately, I'd like to pick up some writing, and I have to start somewhere.

So, last night I put together a new card.  Something that goes better with my redesign of Jromaniszak.com, up soon hopefully.  Which matches my imprint here, and on twitter, etc, etc.  Hopefully looking at my pretty design will distract people from my awkward delivery.

"Why, yes!  I would love to guest post!  Let me give you my information:  

"Lenten FAIL" or "Well, maybe not"

I am stuck feeling like I failed at Lent this year.  That statement betrays so much of the broken theology ingrained in my soul, but I feel like every year I look forward to Lent as a contemplative, challenging time for my faith to be strengthen, and this year has been a let down.  My (misguided) attitude toward Lent is as a 40-day spiritual boot camp.  This year though, I feel like so much has been going on, that Lenten disciplines were all pushed into the background.  That is, until I think about how selfish my Lenten disciplines sounded in the first place, and I have to remember what I really wanted out of running and not drinking anyway.

I have been training for the Holy Saturday Half Marathon (formally known as T.D.M.), and thinking about it, training has actually been going ok.  I have made some major progress in accepting my body as a part of me, and not a traitorous villain.  Let me explain. 

My notion of 'me-ness' has always lived somewhere in the area of my head.  I think this is because in my life I primarily experience the world through my senses of sight, sound, and taste.  Yet, when I watch a dancer, I get this impression that she knows exactly where her arms are going, that her body is something more than just the vessel of her brain.  I long for that, to inhabit my body, and not just throw my feet in a general direction and hope they agree it would be a good placement.  Being isolated from your body also makes it very easy to see as an enemy.  If you don't like what you see in the mirror, there is something to be mad at.  And if you feel no ownership of your body, then why would you care for it anyway?  It's escapism at it most extreme. 
Through the training process I have been learning to respect my body in a new way and am starting to see it as part of me, not an enemy of me.   That is huge for me.  It's very exciting, and is helping my understand my relationship to God as Creator in a much deeper way.  I just need more reflection time with that.
Okay, so no fail there.

The other part, not drinking for Lent.  Well, to be honest, it probably just that I was drinking more than I should have on the front side of Lent, and it was a convenient way to throw the brakes on and give my liver a break.  I cheated when I went out to Long Island for a mini-vacation, and then again for St. Patrick's Day, and then for Third Thursdays, and then for my mom's visit to town.  It seems like why even try anymore.  Oh, I also cheated Wednesday with the rest of the church staff when we went to the bar for Eric's birthday.  Giving up alcohol didn't cause me to reflect or pray more this year; it was a poorly chosen "sacrifice" from the beginning.  I did it for me.

So maybe I didn't "fail" per say, that's too harsh and assessment; I must remember to let myself be a human.  Maybe I just came the realization that I forgot all about what Lent is. 

Here's to a contemplative and challenging Holy Week.



Also, my car died last night.  RIP Suzuki Esteem.  I loved you and you were good to me.

Tonight is 3rd Thursdays! Special free drinks offer!

Anyone one who shows tonight and uses the secret code word "Jenn-I-Read-Your-Blog" is entitled to one drink on me, whether I know you or not.  Non-transferable, and if I think that skanky chick at the end of the bar told you about this, and you did not in fact read it here, well, no drink for you.